Massachusetts Plan to Measure Weights of Children a Good Idea?

Is weighing children and teens at school a good idea?

Dr. Robyn Silverman

Massachusetts has jumped on the “free the obese” bandwagon. The ant-obesity plan goes before the Public Health Council next week, and broad support is expected.

The plan requires all major restaurant chains, including fast food restaurants, to prominently post all calorie counts on the menu as part of an anti-obesity campaign put forth by Gov. Deval Patrick. Many people are often shocked by the high number of calories in fast food— especially those that are supposed to be formulated for children.

On top of that, public schools will be required to measure the heights and weights of all first, fourth, seventh, and tenth graders to determine who is and who isn’t overweight.

The findings to the data collected will be sent home to parents with detailed advice on how to eat better, exercise more, and get healthier overall.

The process will go into effect next fall.

“People often really are not aware of what’s sitting on their plate – it’s a big portion, they’re talking to their friends, they have no way of knowing exactly what they’re eating,” said Dr. Caroline Apovian, Boston Medical Center’s Director of the Nutrition and Weight Management Center. “But if the information is sitting right in front of you . . . it’s hard to deny.”

But I have to wonder, will weighing the children and teens bring weight and “weight competition” to the forefront? Are we going to have an eating disorder issue on hand as children begin to share “weight results” just like grades on the last spelling test? Will the attention of the teachers, now shifting to BMI, not just academic performance, color how they view their students (unfortunately, past studies hint that it could)? How will it affect children’s self esteem and teenager body confidence? Yikes. I don’t get a good feeling about this part of the plan.Perhaps you remember the great “weight grade” debate and how it created havoc in the lives of children who thought something was “wrong” with them since they had “failed” on BMI?

SO what do you think?

Here is some feedback from readers (Boston Globe)

I have to feel bad for the poor overweight child who has few friends but does get validation from a positive relationship with teachers and other workers n the school. They will now be sending this child negative reports, even if academic and behavior issues are absent. It would be much better to encourage all students to walk more or eat healthy than to stigmatize individual students. –zendall

How about bringing back recess and requiring more time in P.E. class? NCLB has put so much emphasis on test performance that many schools have cut back the amount of time kids are allowed to be active. –Andrea_Q

Calorie counting only gets one so far. Most people know roughly what a food’s count is. Exercise, gym , and, yes, recess are important components in addressing this concern. General activity is too. Banishing Fluffanutter sandwiches may grab headlines, but trivializes this serious issue. –amoreperfectunion

Government weighing your kids?? And you’re okay with that?? Probably citing “costs” to society. Shades of “your body belongs to the state.” Except we are not a socialist state, we stand for individuals to be free to be left alone. When The State weighs you then we have entered into “you will be healthy for the state.” Health as not a private matter but as a duty, punishable by “fine” (e.g. stigmatization, taxation, etc.) Behold the new state religion Health. And you lemmings with no life of your own that you have to stick your nose into other’s nod and say “a good thing.” I wonder if even when they begin calling it Child Abuse to have a heavy child and take your child away to state run camps that you’ll complain then. That’s how deaf and blind and dependent on the state to fix or control your life you’ve become. When the state starts weighing your kid what on earth do you think will happen next????? –nycclash

Give us your take. What do you think?

The ABCs of De-stressing and Confidence Building

Confidence-Building– as easy as ABC?

Dr. Robyn Silverman

Sometimes you just have to laugh. Who said life had to be taken so seriously all the time?

As the weather starts to cool down, we seem to get more stressed out. We question our abilities to “keep up with the Jones” and somehow exhaust ourselves with relationships, school, family, work, extra activities and everything else we could possibly heap onto our already full plates. And what about the ample time we consistently devote to primping, de-wrinkling and skimping on meals so that we can fit into our skinny jeans by Saturday night? You know what I mean. Real beauty my bottom. Have we had enough yet?

Here’s an article you may want to print out and tape to your dashboard, your bulletin board, or your planning board schedule book. Perhaps it will remind you that there is only one of you and it is OK to sit down every once in a while, kick up your heals and congratulate yourself on surviving and thriving through yet another day.

A.- Appreciate your best qualities: Big brains, great laugh, long legs, fabulous hair? If we could spend as much time focusing on the things we love about ourselves as we do about the things that infuriate us, we would be a great deal happier.

B.C.- Breathe and be Calm: Sometimes a deep breath can get us focused and give us just enough time to realize that everything is going to be OK. When we take a moment and calm ourselves down, we can think more clearly, become more productive, and show ourselves that no, indeed, we are not going to go insane.

D.- Date someone fabulous: You deserve someone who can see all the beautiful things in you. If you are already married or seriously involved, take your significant other out somewhere quiet or exciting and learn something new about them. Let them get to know something new about you!

E.F.- Eat healthy Foods: It is not about staying away from “bad foods” or foods that are fattening. It is about eating the foods that give sustained energy and nourishment. We are girls and women on the go! No stink’n fast food burger joint or teeny weeny salad is going to keep up with us. You deserve more. Eat well because you deserve to eat well.

G.- Go out with a friend: Good friends always have a way of putting a smile on our faces, don’t they? Taking time out to sit, talk, and laugh with a buddy can take pounds of stress off your life and make you realize that you are important.

H.- Hold out for the Good Stuff: Sometimes we take whatever man, opportunity, or dinner that comes are way—but we are worth more than that! It is time to step back and survey your life—if you are not happy with what you got, change it. You can have whatever your heart desires.

I.J.- Identify what “Juices” you: What gets you motivated, inspired, exuberant to the point of jumping on a couch and making a fool of yourself a bit? Whatever it is, do more of it. Whatever deadens this impulse, do less of it.

K.- Kiss the mirror: You are beautiful! Really, you are. It is time to start realizing that the only person stressing about your looks, is you! Accentuate your assets and show that you are proud– and your daughter, little sister, or younger mentee might just do the same.

L.- Laugh: Really hard and often. Laughing lets us “let go” and it just feels so good. Why take life so seriously? If you can’t remember what was so funny, spend some time with a little kid or a playful pet and they will remind you.

M.- Move your body: Exercise clears the brain, gets your body healthy and blows off steam. We always feel better about everything when we have endorphins pumping through our bodies!

N.O.- NO! Say it when you need to! You can’t do everything for all people and you can not go everywhere in one day. Though we might attempt it, it is not possible to be in more than one place at a time. When we try to cram in too much, we feel unsuccessful when everyone’s needs are not met. What about your needs?

P.- Purge yourself of any toxic relationships: Toxic relationships are any relationships that make you feel bad about yourself when you are involved with them. You deserve the very best! Tell them to take a hike! It might be Fall but Spring cleaning is a necessity year round.

R.- Request help: It’s OK to ask for help! The most successful people in the world do it everyday. Feeling blue? Ask someone to lend an ear. Trying to reach a goal? Let a success coach help you! Got too much on your plate? Scrape some onto someone else’s! When we ask for help, we can make sure that the most important things get done and get done well.

S.- Say I love you: Say it to yourself and to those you love. It never gets old when you really mean it.

T.- Take some time for yourself: Sometimes it seems that we have enough time to focus on everyone else but ourselves. Curl up with a good book, go out shopping, take in a movie and realize what a good time you can have with the most fabulous person in the world…you!

U.- Unbuckle those too-tight clothes: Clothes that fit your body well are the ones that make us feel the best because they look the best. Nobody can be comfortable in clothes that are 2 sizes too small! The only one who knows the size of your jeans is you—and frankly, you are the only one who cares! Let it go!

V.- Value what you have: This means your health, your happiness, your relationships, your family, and your ability to contribute to this fabulous world we live in. It is always good to want more but we will always think the grass is greener somewhere else if we do not look around and realize that we have beautiful gardens growing right under our nose.

W.- Wonder. Dream, Fantasize about what could be…and then make it happen!

X.Y.- eXperience and Yearn: Get out and experience life! Learn something new! There are so many things to see and do. There really is no reason to be bored with life. Join a new class, date a new person, go hot air ballooning! When we do new things, we feel exhilarated and build competencies in new areas.

Zzzzzz- Get some sleep! Do you really need to stay up to watch that trash on TV? Some people say that it is relaxing—you know what else is relaxing? Sleep! Sleep makes us feel more beautiful, work more productively, make better decisions, and stay healthier than watching reruns of The Cosby Show and Family Guy! I guarantee it.

Dr. Robyn is a success coach and body image expert who can help you to achieve your goals at any age. Contact her for questions or simply write below!

Raising Strong, Confident Daughters: The Next 3 Ways

You’ve read the first and second volume of this article. Now here are the next 3 ways to raise strong, confident daughters:

(11) Scrap the comparisons: Nothing can make a child feel worse than being compared to their siblings or their friends when it comes to success. One parent with whom I worked used to ask her child, “why can’t you be more outgoing like your sister?” This tactic does not make your child more likely to become extroverted, but rather, attacks her character and makes her feel inadequate. When it comes to body image, these kinds of comparisons can be particularly hurtful– making a girl feel that she will never measure up unless she is “taller,” “thinner” or less like herself.

(12) Limit the labels: When we label our child it can stunt her initiative to try something new or travel outside of her comfort zone. Labels such as “she’s shy” or “she can’t pay attention” or “she’s disabled” can make a child live up to the expectation instead of challenging it (and achieving success). I worked with a mother of a girl who had dwarfism and coached her on whether she should allow her daughter to try martial arts. Her mother was convinced that she wouldn’t be able to do it. However, her mother promised me that she wouldn’t tell her daughter these thoughts. Her daughter surprised everyone when she progressed through the belt system at her martial arts academy. In fact, she was often chosen to demonstrate skills in front of the class. By not telling your child that she can’t do something, it gives her the initiative to try and the confidence to succeed.

(13) Foster indomitable spirit: My mother always sung this song to me when I was little and fell down: “Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.” I can still hear it clearly in my mind. When we allow children to make their own mistakes and encourage them to make a second, third, or forth attempt, children begin to realize that they do not need to get it right on the first try. Knowing that “do-overs” are part of life, can help spur children on to try new things and stretch their limits.

Confidence is built over time and takes patience and persistence. Your daughter has the power to do many great things. A powerful parent is one who supports, encourages, listens, and loves without contingency. After all, it is not for us to empower our daughters but rather, to provide them with the tools and the support so that they can identify their own power and ultimately, their own sense of self worth and confidence.

Being a Positive Role Model: Seven Ways to Make an Impact

She wants to be just like you. Are you being a positive role model?

A role model is someone whose behavior is imitated by others. Of course, there are good role models and bad role models. There is even the counterintuitive anti-role model who behaves so badly that s/he serves as a good example of what NOT to do.

Given all the negative messages children are getting about body image and self worth, we all hope that children have good, strong role models. These role models should possess the kind of qualities that make our sons and daughters want to be (and become) better people. While there is some variation in every parent’s definition of what it means to be a good person, the following 7 characteristics of a positive role model remain constant.

Positive role models;

(1) Model positive choice-making: Little eyes are watching and little ears are listening. When it comes to being a role model, you must be aware that the choices you make don’t only impact you but also the children who regard you as their superhero. Someday, they will be in the same predicament and think to themselves, “What did s/he do when s/he was in the same situation?” When you are a role model it’s not enough to tell your charges the best choices to make. You must put them into action yourself.

(2) Think out loud: When you have a tough choice to make, allow the children to see how you work through the problem, weight the pros and cons, and come to a decision. The process of making a good decision is a skill. A good role model will not only show a child which decision is best, but also how they to come to that conclusion. That way, the child will be able to follow that reasoning when they are in a similar situation.

(3) Apologize and admit mistakes: Nobody’s perfect. When you make a bad choice, let those who are watching and learning from you know that you made a mistake and how you plan to correct it. This will help them to understand that (a) everyone makes mistakes; (b) it’s not the end of the world; (c) you can make it right; and (d) you should take responsibility for it as soon as possible. By apologizing, admitting your mistake, and repairing the damage, you will be demonstrating an important yet often overlooked part of being a role model.

(4) Follow through: We all want children to stick with their commitments and follow through with their promises. However, as adults, we get busy, distracted, and sometimes, a bit lazy. To be a good role model, we must demonstrate stick-to-itiveness and self discipline. That means; (a) be on time; (b) finish what you started; (c) don’t quit; (d) keep your word; and (e) don’t back off when things get challenging. When role models follow through with their goals, it teaches children that it can be done and helps them adopt an “if s/he can do it, so can I” attitude.

(5) Show respect: You may be driven, successful, and smart but whether you choose to show respect or not speaks volumes about the type of attitude it takes to make it in life. We always tell children to “treat others the way we want to be treated” and yet, may not subscribe to that axiom ourselves. Do you step on others to get ahead? Do you take your spouse, friends, or colleagues for granted? Do you show gratitude or attitude when others help you? In this case, it’s often the little things you do that make the biggest difference in how children perceive how to succeed in business and relationships.

(6) Be well rounded: While we don’t want to spread ourselves too thin, it’s important to show children that we can be more than just one thing. Great role models aren’t just “parents” or “teachers.” They’re people who show curiosities and have varied interests. They’re great learners and challenge themselves to get out of their comfort zones. You may be a father who’s also a student of the martial arts, a great chef, a good sportsman, and a treasured friend. You may be a mother who’s a gifted dancer, a solid rock climber, a celebrated singer, and a curious photographer. When children see that their role models can be many things, they will learn that they don’t need to pigeon-hole themselves in order to be successful.

(7) Demonstrate confidence in who you are: Whatever you choose to do with your life, be proud of the person you’ve become and continue to become. It may have been a long road and you may have experienced bumps along the way, but it’s the responsibility of a role model to commemorate the lessons learned, the strength we’ve amassed, and the character they’ve developed. We can always get better, however, in order for children to celebrate who they are, their role models need to show that confidence doesn’t start “5 pounds from now,” “2 more wins on top of this one,” or “1 more possession than I have today.” We must continue to strive while being happy with how far we’ve come at the same time.

While it may seem like a great deal of pressure to be a positive role model; nobody is expecting you to be superhuman. We certainly wouldn’t expect that behavior from the children who are looking to us for answers and guidance—nor would we want them to expect that kind of flawless behavior from themselves or others. You can only do your best. And, if you mess up today, you can always refer back to tip #3 and try again tomorrow. Good role models earn multiple chances from the children who believe in them and know they can do anything if they simply put their mind to it.

Here’s to a Powerful Week!

Game Day for Bimbos and Sweet Valley High’s Low Blow

This week was filled with some body image garbage.

(1) My colleague Amy Jussel brought this fabulous story to my attention this week: Bimbo Bait: Is Silence or Outrage the Solution for Digital Drek?

She says: “Just when you thought media influence on body image had reached the tipping point of toxicity, our pals at Beauty and the Breast (and parents, Feministing, mashable, and industry colleagues at Edelman Digital) are reporting in disgust on this new web game, Miss Bimbo making the rounds in Europe where “Girls are encouraged to compete against each other to become the “hottest, coolest, most famous bimbo in the whole world.” CNN reports, “When a girl signs up, they are given a naked virtual character to look after and pitted against other girls to earn “bimbo” dollars so they can dress her in sexy outfits and take her clubbing…” Read more here…

My opinion: Can we sprinkle some stronger body image salt on the proverbial gaping wound of female body image development? Check out the video!

I’m disturbed that some of girls are likening it to dressing up dolls. I don’t remember exchanging bimbo dollars or asking for boob jobs to get a better rating when I dressed up dolls in the past, do you?

Studies are now showing that girls are regarding dieting as “normal” behavior. That in fact it is “abnormal” to not diet! This is not surprising since they are inundated with diet articles, dolls that look like they’ve been dieting too long, and now, Bimbo World has landed. Will plastic surgery also be “normalized” to the point in which it will be “abnormal” to NOT get plastic surgery? A scary thought.

It would be great to have a game for girls in which they gain value by using their brains and their creativity instead of pumping up their boobs and bagging a billionaire.

(2) Kate Harding and Feministing let us know about Sweet Valley High’s bizarre change in character description of the featured twins:

Well, I guess Random House felt bad that size 6 teenagers were being denied the profound sense of failure that comes with seeing “perfect” juxtaposed with a size you can’t achieve. So in their re-released versions, the twins are a “perfect size 4.”

 

My Opinion: On the unfortunate female quest to conquer perfect, its amazing that “feeling good about our bodies” is pushed just a little bit further out of reach by this teen series.

The Sweet Valley High MySpace has this to say in the “about me” section: “Elizabeth: I tend to play down my looks. I’m most comfortable in khaki shorts and a polo shirt, with my long blond hair pulled back in a barrette or practical ponytail. Maybe it is because I think who a person is inside and what she does is more important than how she looks.”

How do you think Miss Elizabeth feels about loosing a size?

Think nobody is looking at this information? They have “312 My Space Friends”

The video on today’s (March 28) Feministing tells the story. Warning to those faint of heart: bad language is used in this video.

Hope next week is better.

Raising Strong, Confident Daughters: The Next Five Ways

How can we build up our daughters’ self confidence?

Parents can do so much to help our daughters’ thrive. You’ve read volume 1. Here’s volume 2 of raising strong, confident daughters:

(6) Catch your child “being good:” We often are quick to jump when our child is exhibiting poor behavior, however, when our child is making good choices, we “let sleeping dogs lie” and refrain from making a comment. When you praise your child when she doesn’t even know you were looking, two things happen. She becomes more apt to repeat the positive behavior and she feels good about the choices she is making independently of you.

(7) Be a positive role model: How is your self esteem? If you look in the mirror and say negative things about yourself or your body, your child will absorb those actions. Your children are like little sponges! Even your subtle, unspoken negative reactions to how you have performed or how you look (as you believe it reflects on you as a person) can be read by your children. This negativity can filter down to your children and lead them to question if they are good enough.

(8) Love is unwavering: My friend used to tell her young children, “nothing you can do or say will make me take my love away.” When your children know that even when they make mistakes you will still love them, they will become more self assured and more understanding of how many childhood mistakes can be fixed with some purposeful effort and perhaps a few heartfelt apologies.

(9) Enroll your child is an activity that fosters confidence: There are many activities that can make your child feel successful. What are her talents? What are her interests? Some programs provide a character development component into their lesson plans which help children put a positive name to their positive behavior. For example, many martial arts academies are using a systemized character education program that is formulated to build children’s sense of values and self worth. Choose an activity with positive role models and a positive curriculum.

(10) Talk with your child: When you talk with your child, ask powerful questions, and really listen. Let her know that she is valued and that her opinions matter. Many parents find themselves “talking at” their child which, as we know, isn’t always well received. Spend time talking with your child about things that matter to the whole family and the things that matter to her.

Until next time (and the next ways to help your daughters!),

Raising Strong, Confident Daughters: The first 5 Ways

What does your daughter see when she looks in the mirror?

Creating Powerful Girls (Volume 1)

By Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

The diet commercials are in full force which can only mean two things; bathing suit season is right around the corner and nationwide body image is getting ready to plummet. Many parents worry that between all the talk about buff bodies and diet plans, their young daughters will slip into a self esteem slump. How can we elevate our daughters’ self worth without needing to go on and on about loving your body?

Confidence and self worth, both positive and negative, can influence how a person feels, thinks, and acts throughout childhood and adulthood. Those who have strong feelings of confidence and high self worth will feel more positive about themselves, think more positively, and act and behave more positively than those who have low self confidence and low self worth. In addition, someone with strong feelings of confidence and high self worth will like who they see in the mirror each day and know that they are worthy of love.

Here are the first 5 tips to strengthening your child’s confidence and feelings of self worth:

(1) Help your child realize her unique gifts: Everyone is talented or special in some way. While we are not all little Einsteins or mini- Monets, everyone has something to offer. Let your child know that you appreciate their gifts. Allow your child to show you what she can do—without doing it for her! She will get better with time. Hang up artwork, projects, or awards that exhibit these gifts so that your child knows that you value her special talents. Creating a Wall of Fame will allow her to see all of her accomplishments.

(2) Be present: When your child is sharing new knowledge or new gifts, pay attention! This is the time to shut off the TV and the cell phone. When you do this, your child will know that they are important and worthy of your undivided attention.

(3) Don’t over-praise: While letting your child know that their gifts are special, don’t over-praise to the point of being phony. Not every art project and assignment is worthy of the Wall of Fame. Not everything your child does is super, perfect and fantastic. When you praise your child when praise is due, your child will know you are being genuine and that she has really done a good job.

(4) Be a RAD parent (Reliable, Accountable, and Dependable): While you may not always be available when your child needs you, create a pattern of responsiveness and responsibility. Be on time, be reliable, and follow through with what you say you are going to do. When you are a RAD parent, your child will know that they can count on you and that they are worthy of your follow through.

(5) Praise effort: It may be easy to focus on a high mark on a paper or a gold medal, but it is really important to praise effort instead of results. When your child knows that she has worked hard and that hard work is praised, she will likely keep putting in the effort to make the accomplishment. When we are results driven, failure can stop us in our tracks and make us give up for fear of failing once again.

When we take the time to instill confidence in our children, they become a little bit stronger. Then they can call upon that strength when they are feeling low or bombarded with negative, body-bashing messages. The strength of positive parents carries on even when they are not around!

Until next time (and the next 5 tips)–

Dr. Robyn Wins Writing Award: Series on Body Image

I’m very honored and excited to have been given a national reward for my series on Fitting In and Standing out; September, October, and November! This was a body image series for Bay State Parent Magazine.

• Fitting in While Standing Out: Feeling Fat in a “Thin is In” World. Bay State Parent Magazine, September 2007.
• Fitting in While Standing Out: 5 Tips for Helping Your Child Deal with Coming Up Short in a Tall-is-All World. Bay State Parent Magazine, October 2007.
• Fitting in While Standing Out: 7 Tips to Cope with Your Child’s Need to be Perfect in a Win-at-all-Costs World. Bay State Parent Magazine, November 2007.

Parenting Publications of America (PPA) gave out more than 400 awards to 78 parenting publications in the United States, Canada, & Australia.

PPA’s Editorial & Design Awards Competition recognizes excellence in journalism, photography, and design achieved by publishers, editors, writers, and designers at member publications. A panel of judges reviewed 1,249 entries this year to choose the winners in each category. All judges have had significant professional journalism experience.

Awards I am honored to have been part of:

* Special Series
Silver: Fitting In While Standing Out (September, October, & November 2007)
Writer: Dr. Robyn Silverman’s Parenting 1-2-3
Judges: “Timely and informative, these columns contain the ideal mix of
fact and narrative.”

* Overall Reporting
Bronze: (Submitted issues: March, September, & October 2007 )
Writers: Susan Scully Petroni, Alyson Aiello, Kerri Augusto, Amy Benoit,
Robin Burke, Rosemary Cafasso, Lindsay Crone, Michelle Xiarhos Curran,
Antoinette Donovan, Jon Grayzel, Marta Kowalczyk, Jennifer Lefferts, Sue
Lovejoy, Jane Mackay, Maria Marien, Marguerite Paolino, Elizabeth C.
Regan, Robyn Silverman, Donna White

Judges: “The sheer volume of content in this magazine is impressive, but
its writers and editors also take the time to make every page, story and
listing exude authority and provide useful information. Monthly themes
give each issue a personality all its own.”

* Overall General Excellence
Bronze: (Submitted issues: September, October, & November 2007)
Writers: Susan Scully Petroni, Alyson Aiello, Kerri Augusto, Amy Benoit,
Robin Burke, Rosemary Cafasso, Lindsay Crone, Michelle Xiarhos Curran,
Antoinette Donovan, Jon Grayzel, Kate M Jackson, Jennifer Lefferts, Sue
Lovejoy, Jennifer Lucarelli, Sarah MacDonald, Jane Mackay, Marguerite
Paolino, Elizabeth C. Regan, Donna Roberson, Robyn Silverman, & Donna
White

Judges: “This publication is full of nicely reported and written local stories full of local real people and experts. The design is consistent and organized, and it is easy to navigate through the publication. ”

Congratulations to everyone honored! Bay State Parent won a total of 16 awards!

 

Spring Cleaning on your Body Image

Since February is Love your Body month, it’s time to take inventory on how you’re doing in this department. No, no, not how you’re doing in the weight department– but rather, in the “loving your body” department.

The Curvy Life put out an assessment to put you to the test.

Curvy Angela writes:

The first step in decluttering body image is to uncover the mental and physical clutter we have around our bodies.  The following is a 10-point assessment to reveal areas in your life where you might be holding on to body image clutter:

1. Do you spend thinking and/or worrying about your body, food, and exercise? How much time?
2. Do you have nagging, negative feelings around the way you look?

Get the whole test here!
Have a powerful day!

Dr. Robyn