Way too Young to Look That Old

Does Anyone Have a Cover up?

Dr. Robyn Silverman

Is it any wonder that many young preteens or teens want to dress beyond their years and walk out of the house wearing dresses that look like lingerie or low cut blouses exposing their bras?  Parents and teachers– boy are we up against a major force.  It’s the celebrity force.  Perhaps we can also refer to it as the “The Miley Cyrus Cyclone,” the “Gossip Girl Gale Force Winds” or the “Lohan Factor.” These girls are 14 and 15 years old…allegedly– several of whom are hitting the club scene:

Hard-partying “Gossip Girl” star Taylor Momsen smooches girls in nightclubs, Miley Cyrus dates a 20-year-old model and Lindsay Lohan’s kid sis loves her cleavage-baring shirts. Did we mention they’re all in their mid-teens? (NY Daily News)

Have you seen these pics?

Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus Best of Both Worlds Concert PremiereGossip Girl age 15

Could we get the dress a little more low cut or the skirt any higher?  What are we saying to our girls about what they should be exposing to the world in order to be fashionable, beautiful and loved?

And of course, some parents are either oblivious or just right on board:

Ali Lohan and Dina Lohan

You would think these girls were older– and then they show you that, no, they’re just as young as their age tells you they are.  Miley, for instance, was on the Ellen Degeneres show, giggles like a…well, school girl when asked about her boyfriend– yes, at 15 years old, she’s dating a 20 year old. Can you say, “underage?”

What do you think of our daughters’ role models?  And what does this tell our sons about what to expect?

Hey Parents and Mentors! How are you combating these forces of Hollywood?

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The ABCs of De-stressing and Confidence Building

tired_mom

Confidence-Building– as easy as ABC?

Dr. Robyn Silverman

Sometimes you just have to laugh. Who said life had to be taken so seriously all the time?

As the weather starts to cool down, we seem to get more stressed out. We question our abilities to “keep up with the Jones” and somehow exhaust ourselves with relationships, school, family, work, extra activities and everything else we could possibly heap onto our already full plates. And what about the ample time we consistently devote to primping, de-wrinkling and skimping on meals so that we can fit into our skinny jeans by Saturday night? You know what I mean. Real beauty my bottom. Have we had enough yet?

Here’s an article you may want to print out and tape to your dashboard, your bulletin board, or your planning board schedule book. Perhaps it will remind you that there is only one of you and it is OK to sit down every once in a while, kick up your heals and congratulate yourself on surviving and thriving through yet another day.

A.- Appreciate your best qualities: Big brains, great laugh, long legs, fabulous hair? If we could spend as much time focusing on the things we love about ourselves as we do about the things that infuriate us, we would be a great deal happier.

B.C.- Breathe and be Calm: Sometimes a deep breath can get us focused and give us just enough time to realize that everything is going to be OK. When we take a moment and calm ourselves down, we can think more clearly, become more productive, and show ourselves that no, indeed, we are not going to go insane.

D.- Date someone fabulous: You deserve someone who can see all the beautiful things in you. If you are already married or seriously involved, take your significant other out somewhere quiet or exciting and learn something new about them. Let them get to know something new about you!

E.F.- Eat healthy Foods: It is not about staying away from “bad foods” or foods that are fattening. It is about eating the foods that give sustained energy and nourishment. We are girls and women on the go! No stink’n fast food burger joint or teeny weeny salad is going to keep up with us. You deserve more. Eat well because you deserve to eat well.

G.- Go out with a friend: Good friends always have a way of putting a smile on our faces, don’t they? Taking time out to sit, talk, and laugh with a buddy can take pounds of stress off your life and make you realize that you are important.

H.- Hold out for the Good Stuff: Sometimes we take whatever man, opportunity, or dinner that comes are way—but we are worth more than that! It is time to step back and survey your life—if you are not happy with what you got, change it. You can have whatever your heart desires.

I.J.- Identify what “Juices” you: What gets you motivated, inspired, exuberant to the point of jumping on a couch and making a fool of yourself a bit? Whatever it is, do more of it. Whatever deadens this impulse, do less of it.

K.- Kiss the mirror: You are beautiful! Really, you are. It is time to start realizing that the only person stressing about your looks, is you! Accentuate your assets and show that you are proud– and your daughter, little sister, or younger mentee might just do the same.

L.- Laugh: Really hard and often. Laughing lets us “let go” and it just feels so good. Why take life so seriously? If you can’t remember what was so funny, spend some time with a little kid or a playful pet and they will remind you.

M.- Move your body: Exercise clears the brain, gets your body healthy and blows off steam. We always feel better about everything when we have endorphins pumping through our bodies!

N.O.- NO! Say it when you need to! You can’t do everything for all people and you can not go everywhere in one day. Though we might attempt it, it is not possible to be in more than one place at a time. When we try to cram in too much, we feel unsuccessful when everyone’s needs are not met. What about your needs?

P.- Purge yourself of any toxic relationships: Toxic relationships are any relationships that make you feel bad about yourself when you are involved with them. You deserve the very best! Tell them to take a hike! It might be Fall but Spring cleaning is a necessity year round.

R.- Request help: It’s OK to ask for help! The most successful people in the world do it everyday. Feeling blue? Ask someone to lend an ear. Trying to reach a goal? Let a success coach help you! Got too much on your plate? Scrape some onto someone else’s! When we ask for help, we can make sure that the most important things get done and get done well.

S.- Say I love you: Say it to yourself and to those you love. It never gets old when you really mean it.

T.- Take some time for yourself: Sometimes it seems that we have enough time to focus on everyone else but ourselves. Curl up with a good book, go out shopping, take in a movie and realize what a good time you can have with the most fabulous person in the world…you!

U.- Unbuckle those too-tight clothes: Clothes that fit your body well are the ones that make us feel the best because they look the best. Nobody can be comfortable in clothes that are 2 sizes too small! The only one who knows the size of your jeans is you—and frankly, you are the only one who cares! Let it go!

V.- Value what you have: This means your health, your happiness, your relationships, your family, and your ability to contribute to this fabulous world we live in. It is always good to want more but we will always think the grass is greener somewhere else if we do not look around and realize that we have beautiful gardens growing right under our nose.

W.- Wonder. Dream, Fantasize about what could be…and then make it happen!

X.Y.- eXperience and Yearn: Get out and experience life! Learn something new! There are so many things to see and do. There really is no reason to be bored with life. Join a new class, date a new person, go hot air ballooning! When we do new things, we feel exhilarated and build competencies in new areas.

Zzzzzz- Get some sleep! Do you really need to stay up to watch that trash on TV? Some people say that it is relaxing—you know what else is relaxing? Sleep! Sleep makes us feel more beautiful, work more productively, make better decisions, and stay healthier than watching reruns of The Cosby Show and Family Guy! I guarantee it.

Dr. Robyn is a success coach and body image expert who can help you to achieve your goals at any age. Contact her for questions or simply write below!

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How do you explain real beauty to a girl?

dove self esteem fund

Dr. Robyn Silverman

Article for Dove Self Esteem Fund: Campaign for Real beauty

Joining Dove Self Esteem Embassador, Jessica Weiner and psychologist and author, Ann Kearney Cooke, I was honored to be asked to be the guest editor for the Dove Self Esteem Fund — a campaign that teaches girls how to deal with the media hype about body image as well as the importance of loving “the skin you’re in.” You’ve probably seen their google films, references to self esteem workshops, and website education for girls, moms and anyone else who loves or works with girls.

The Question I was asked to answer: How do you explain real beauty to a girl?

Here is the full article and my bio on Dove

How about some highlights?

When I was 14 years old, there was an enormous billboard in the center of town of a woman in an expensive dress looking down onto traffic through heavily made up eyes. I figured that she was what perfect looked like; unblemished, flawless, and yes, a real beauty. As I look back, I realize I was wrong to think that way…she was digitally modified, primped, preened, puffed up and paired down…what’s can be really beautiful about someone who doesn’t really exist?

We want girls to realize that real beauty is not in the magazines– but rather, in their best friend– their mom– and in themselves. So I included passages such as this one:

Real beauty doesn’t need to be all made up or dressed in fancy clothes. It’s imperfectly perfect. It’s your best friend’s contagious zest for life that you see every time she pretends to pose for “glamour shots” while wearing a fuzzy bathroom and hippo-patterned pajamas. It’s the two of you singing into a hairbrush and dancing to some ridiculous song on the radio– just because it’s fun. Just because you can. Yes, real beauty is in your best friend…

Want to read the rest of the article?

What would you say real beauty is all about? How would you explain it to your daughter, your niece, your student, or other girls you love?

Please comment below– I’d love to hear your take!

Dr. Robyn Silverman signs