Beyonce’s Sesame Street Walkers: Sexualized Girls in Dereon Ads

Welcome to “Girls Gone Wild,” Little Tykes Addition. These ads featuring Dereon Girls clothes might provide a momentary laugh if they came out of an old “dress-up box” or if the girls were doing a mock “Pussy Cat Dolls presents Girlicious” audition. But the idea that they’re aimed for public view is alarming.

Still raw from the Miley Cyrus Mess, people are weighing in and they’re not happy with what they’re seeing.

According to New York Post’s Michelle Malkin,

If you thought the soft-porn image of Disney teen queen Miley Cyrus - wearing nothing but ruby-stained lips and a bedsheet - in Vanity Fair magazine was disturbing, you ain’t seen nothing yet. [The young models] are seductively posed and tarted up, JonBenet Ramsey-style, with lipstick, blush and face powder…The creepiness factor is heightened by the fact that women were responsible for marketing this child exploitation. So, what’s next? Nine-year-olds performing stripper routines?

So why are these sexualized images such a problem?

Media, such as magazine ads, TV, video games, and music videos can have a detrimental effect on children.

Not only has the sexualization of girls and women in the media lead to mounting public concern, researchers continue to find that the images can have a profound affect on the confidence, body image, dieting behaviors and sexual development of girls. Dr Eileen Zurbriggen, associate professor of psychology at the University of California, Santa Cruz and the chair of the APA task force on the sexualization of girls is scrutinizing these issues;

“The consequences of the sexualisation of girls in media today are very real,” said “We have ample evidence to conclude that sexualisation has negative effects in a variety of domains, including cognitive functioning, physical and mental health, and healthy sexual development.”

What do they mean by sexualization?

When researchers speak of sexualization, they’re referring to when a person’s value come from their sexual appeal (looks) or their sexual behavior and when the person is looked upon as a sexual object, to the exclusion of other characteristics such as character, intelligence, and ability.

Examples:

• Dolls with pouty lips, mini-skirts, and fish-net stockings aimed at the 4-8 year old market place
• Thongs marked for young girls ages 7 to 10 years old (some printed with slogans like “eye candy” and “wink wink” on them).
• Young pop-stars and celebrities dressed provocatively or inappropriately
• Video games with sexualized images
• Cartoon-clad thongs for teens

But are children and teens really that impressionable?

While there hasn’t been a body of work that directly links sexualized images in ads and electronic media to problems in girls, individual studies strongly suggest that a link may be evident when it comes to media and eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression in girls. For example;

• Adolescent girls who frequently read magazine articles that featured articles about dieting were more likely five years later to engage in extreme weight-loss practices such as vomiting than girls who never read such articles.

• Middle school girls who read articles about dieting (compared to those who did not read such articles) were twice as likely to try to lose weight 5 years later by fasting or smoking cigarettes. These girls were also three times more likely to use extreme weight loss practices such as taking laxatives or vomiting to lose weight.

• The average person sees between 400-600 ads per day

• About 7 of 10 girls say that they want to look like a character on TV

• After just 10 minutes of exposure, the researchers found that the groups that had watched the music videos with the thin, attractive stars, exhibited the largest increase in body dissatisfaction in comparison to those who simply listed to the songs of completed the memory task with the neutral words. In addition, and perhaps the most troubling, it did not matter whether the girls had high or low self esteem to begin with—they were all equally affected.

• About 41% of teen girls report that magazines are their most important source of information with regard to dieting and health and 61% of teen girls read at least one fashion magazine often.

But here’s the real deal:

Be vigilant about the media that’s delivered through your mail slot. Be conscious about the messages that are conveyed in your living room. If you don’t like what you see:

(1) Don’t buy it: Beyonce may make the clothes but you make the decisions. Only you can determine what comes through your doors from the mall and what goes out your door to school.

(2) Shut it off: No; you can’t be with your child at all times but it’s important to supervise the media flow into your household. There are plenty of parental locks and internet blocks that can put your in control.

(3) Talk about it: Let your child know your values and why you don’t think what the ads are portraying is a smart choice for her or your family.

(4) Ask questions: You may be surprised by your child’s view of the media. They may be more savvy than you think. Ask what she thinks about what she’s seeing—be present—and listen.

(5) Expose her to positive images: There are several positive role models in the media. However, don’t put all your eggs in one basket (we saw what happened with Miley and Jamie Lynn Spears). Open up your children’s world to actual living, breathing, 3-Dimentional role models in your community so that they can be inspired by something well beyond what they see on TV or in clothing ads.

Some decision-makers might be making fools of themselves by “pimping out” little girls in ads or draping a 15 year old tween queen in a sheet and sending it out to print, but you’re still the parent. Continue to instill values in your young children and they’ll be more likely to focus their attention away from these tween tarts and dolls gone wild and towards more appropriate activities; like playing dress up and watching Sesame Street.

Geri Halliwell and Moms as Body-Positive Role Models

Mothers can have it touch these days. Not only must they cope with their own body image insecurities, but they must be a positive role model to their daughters.

It’s not that they didn’t always need to think about being a positive role model—of course they did. However, Moms need to cope with the “you must be thin to win” messages from the media in a way that doesn’t cause spillover body image anxiety that can be absorbed by their daughters. In other words, they must be made of Teflon. They can hear it, but it can’t stick. They can experience it but they must be strong enough to endure.

From someone in the spotlight, this all might be nearly impossible. After all, the press loves to flaunt any bump, blemish, or bulge that a celebrity may have and make them (and us) think it’s just the worst thing in the world to every happen to someone.

While Glamour Magazine isn’t always the most body sensitive magazine, and the Spice Girls have been far from good examples of body loving popstars, every once in a while, you can find a diamond sliver in the rough. A new article shows that Geri Hallowell (Ginger Spice) wants to be a positive role model for her daughter, BlueBell. model for her daughter than with spending her life at the gym.

“I think it’s good to promote a healthy example, so whatever shape she is, she loves herself… I think the outside reflects the inside, and where I am now, I just feel content and accepting. I think that’s the key to having a good body.” (Glamour Magazine)

But what about for regular folks?

It’s great to get involved with programs that promote positive body image and help put the spotlight on healthy eating, getting in tune with your body, and spending time together in a positive environment.

In Atlanta Georgia, a bunch of Moms and 10-11 year old daughters, along with Dina Zeckhausen, a clinical psychologist from the Eating Disorders Information Network, got together for a day of cooking together. The goal? To help mothers become positive role models for their daughter—especially around food and eating.

“These are just ordinary moms…A lot of ordinary moms these days have struggled with their own body image. They want to raise healthy daughters. They don’t want to pass their own anxieties down to their girls.” –D. Zeckhausen

It’s vital that Moms zap the negative body talk in the bud. Studies show that Moms who speak negatively about themselves can have daughters that do the same.

“It’s important that you don’t put yourself down in front of your daughter,” explained Zeckhausen. “She has an adult woman’s body in her future and she’s looking to you in terms of how to feel about that body. She’s taking notes whether you know it or not.”

While one cooking class can’t make a big difference, the sentiment is quite correct. Moms and daughters can do things together that highlight healthy living—listening to your body when it’s hungry and being sure to exercise and enjoy life.

Eating Disorders Revealed: High Schoolers Talk About Their Secret to Educate their Small Town

All teens deal with struggles in their lives. It takes a powerful teen to admit she has a problem, work through her challenges, and use what she’s learned to help others. This article is the result of an interview with Alex Shabo, a teen who is recovering from an eating disorder and helping others in the process. (Photo credit: Carol Britton Meyer)

Alex Shabo and Jasmine Benger are battling their eating disorders in public. And they’re winning.

These 2 high school students from the idyllic New England town, Hingham, Massachusetts (a town nearby to where I live) hosted an open forum entitled “Our Body- Our Sacrificial Self.” The presentation was an effort to bring awareness to eating disorders and help give support to others who are facing similar challenges.

“Women’s bodies have become material objects, and both men and women have begun to treat them as such,” Shabo and Benger agree. “Self-awareness can be lost beneath overwhelming, restrictive societal values and attitudes – which can lead to a distorted image of body, loss of self, and eating disorders.” (Wicked Local)

Jasmine’s eating disorder began in freshman year:

“It started as innocent dieting, if there is such a thing. I was trying to be healthier, watching what I ate, and it slowly turned into an obsession,” she said. “Pretty soon I’d cut out so many essential nutrients that I didn’t have the wherewithal to be like: ‘This is so messed up.’ I was really sick.” (Patriot Ledger)

Alex was a sophomore when her eating disorder began:

“I started dieting, to be healthy,” she said. “That’s what’s being thrown at you, that dieting is a way of life, a way you should live your life.”

I had the pleasure of interviewing the Alex personally so that they can help us understand how best to help our daughters and help us to better understand the challenges they face:

How was the turn out at the eating disorders forum you hosted?

We were very amazed by the turn out at our forum and we are actually doing at least four more for elementary schools, the middle school and the high school in Hingham.

What specific signs would you advise other parents to look for in their girls to figure out whether their daughters might have an eating disorder?

There aren’t always the physical signs that come out first for an eating disorder patient. Although anorexia does have the physical component (rapid weight loss), bulimia and binge eating disorder do not. Some signs besides the drop in weight is skipping meals, restricting on certain foods (fats, carbs, etc.), counting calories, going to the bathroom for a while right after meals… I know there are many more but it really differs for all cases. I know something that my mom said at the forum that was very powerful was that parents don’t want to see this sort of behavior in their child and tend to ignore it. A lot of parents wait till they get comments from outside sources which can sometimes be too late. The best thing for parents to do is to talk to their kid when they see any change in behaviors socially or regarding food.

What are 3-5 pieces of advice that you would give to other parents of girls who are grappling with an image conscious society?

MODERATION: In a society where diets are telling you to not have this and avoid that, it is best to enjoy everything in moderate amounts. You can still be eating but not eat the right things and still really put your body in harms way. I see moderation as eating what you feel like eating and enjoying it rather than obsessing over the calories. If you give your body what it is craving, you are least likely to have any obsessive thoughts. Moderation is definitely one of the most difficult parts to achieve in our society.

Be aware of what you say; self awareness: A lot of people find commenting on how a person looks as a way to determine their emotions. It is a sad reality but it is what people feed off of to determine their own outlook on themselves. There is really no need to talk about calories, diets, or the bodies of others. I would just say it is important to be mindful of what you say because you never know how it will affect people around you.

Don’t encourage a dieting household: I am always shocked when I meet girls who are struggling with eating disorders who has a mom on a diet at their house. Not only is there diet food around but now they have a mom stressing out over her body as much as she is. Diets really are a short-term relief and are not always the most nutritious for our bodies.

Would you say that other girls in Hingham are having similar problems with eating disorders but have not come forward? What made you come forward and talk about this when other girls in your class and school have not?

This is one of the most frustrating parts about our forum. Our town is brought up on perfection and image. Everyone has a greener lawn than the one next to them and competition is definitely high. Eating disorders are very secretive because the reaction from people can be so diverse. Some people understand and really take pride in a person being honest but most kids at our school just don’t understand it and don’t wish to learn. Immediately, you are judged by what you are eating, what you aren’t eating, how you look this day or that day. I was definitely nervous about putting our names out there because now everyone wants to see ‘what does someone who is recovering do/eat/look’.

I honestly, find closure and help in talking about my eating disorder. It really motivates me to stay on track in my recovering. Keeping it a secret is a burden that really cripples recovery. Rather than concentrating on helping yourself, you are trying to hide this huge secret from the rest of the world. Also, if we don’t talk about, it won’t get better. If it keeps being swept under the rug more girls and boys will develop it because they are just so uninformed.

Alex and Jasmine plan to have more forums for parents and students in the area.

Congratulations on using your challenges to help others. You are truly Powerful Girls. It took great courage, tenacity, and confidence to come forward, take control of your problems, and motivate others to do the same. You’ve likely inspired many people!

The Power of the Scale Over Girls and Women

The story:

I’m sure you’ve all seen it. Today, I was at the gym and commenting in my head about the good mood everyone was in– good weather, happy faces, hump day.

Then I walked into the dressing room.

There were 2 women, one around 50 years old, the other around 25 or 30, standing around the scale, discussing their weight and showing great disdain for the number on the scale. “Why can’t it just say 140?” one woman said. “I know!” the other agreed. I’m such a whale. Yesterday the scale said 154 and today it says 156. I hate my life. Let’s go home.”

It was then that I realized that they were mother and daughter! What are we teaching our girls? Be careful!

A study published in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine found that teenage girls’ desire to be thin or lose weight was based at least in part on their perception of what their mothers wanted for them. Girls in the study were more likely to diet if their moms had done so.

–Read more on that

Does the scale really have such power over girls and women?

It turns out, it does. Some might even say it even has a “magnetic pull.” Teen girls who weigh themselves often are more likely than other girls to engage in unhealthy dieting and go up and down in weight. The girls who are most scale-obsessed, according to a 2006 study out of the University of Minnesota, tend to skip meals, use diet pills, abuse laxatives, smoke, binge, and vomit to lose weight.

“The act of getting on the scale, weighing yourself every day, can lead to an unhealthy weight preoccupation,” according to lead researcher Dianne Neumark-Sztainer, a professor at the university’s School of Public Health. “And teenage girls who are concerned about their weight are at great risk for unhealthy weight control behaviors.”

The study, published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, surveyed 2,516 Minnesota junior high and high school girls and boys in the 1998-99 school year and followed up in 2003-04.

Do you have such a reaction when you get on the scale? Does it have such power over you? It’s amazing how a hunk of mental and plastic can rule over the female mood…even on such a beautiful sunny day.

For mother’s day, is it possible to celebrate…without the scale? You’re worth so much more than that number staring you back in the face.

Cartoon found here. Thanks, Tiffabee!

Celebrity Eating Disorders: Is Hollywood Withering Away?

Christina Ricci, while promoting her movie Speed Racer, has opened up about her battle with the eating disorder, anorexia nervosa. The former child star said; “I was a teenager going through adolescence and at one point, I had an anorexia phase and then I kind of ballooned,” she said.

RIcci says she no longer cares what other people think or say about her.

“Vanity is unnecessary. I’m the vainest person but I have found a way to let that go so I can have fun. You have to make a decision that you’re not going to be crippled by insecurities. I feel my body now is the adult Christina and it’s what I should have come to a long time ago, if I hadn’t been screwing around with my body so much.”

Just a few other Celebrities who’ve encountered problems with eating disorders:

• Nicole Richie: As an Eating Disorder expert, Dr. Jantz was interviewed by Weekly InTouch Magazine (Sept 4, 2006, Vol.5 Issue 36, page 15) about Nicole Richie. “Nicole could die if she doesn’t stop dieting,” Dr. Jantz, an eating disorder specialist and the founder of A Place of Hope treatment center in Seattle, tells In Touch. “She’s putting herself in a dangerous place.”
• Ashlee Simpson: Singer Ashlee Simpson (sister of Jessica Simpson), admitted publicly that she suffered from an eating disorder during her pre-teen years. “I was around a lot of girls with eating disorders.”
• Calista Flockhart: The ultra-thin star of Brothers and Sisters (formally of the very popular Alli McBeal) vehemently denied rumoros about her eating disorder but later admitted it.
• Jamie-Lynn Sigler: Known for her role as James Gandolfini’s daughter on “The Sopranos,” Jamie-Lynn came out publicly about her eating disorder and is determined to help others. “I became a spokeswoman for eating disorders,” Jamie-Lynn shares with ET, “I would say about three or four months after I actually came out about it. It is a tough thing to talk about it, but it is actually therapeutic for me. I know it is something that touches almost every girl, and men, too.”
• Mary-Kate Olsen: The press and the public speculated for months about whether Mary Kate was suffering from an eating disorder. She entered a program, however, many fans were still concerned about her emaciated appearance at the unveiling of the twins’ star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
• Sharon Osbourne: (Wife of Ozzy Osbourne), admitted to suffering from bulimia for 35 years– and still struggles. She has survived colon cancer and yet has revealed; “I’ve been able to conquer just about everything except bulimia.” Previously a patient who received gastric bypass surgery, she still is dealing with her eating disorder.
• Tracey Gold: One of the Seaver family on the sitcom, Growing Pains, Tracey practically starved herself. Tracey was diagnosed with anorexia in 1990. Her family and friends helped her cope and she has been very open with her struggles. She has returned to acting.
• Victoria Beckham: Previously known as “Posh Spice” from the Spice Girls and now the other half of popular Hollywood power couple with soccar/football player David Beckham, Victoria had denied that she had an eating disorder. She recently alluded to her struggles in and excerpt of her autobiography, “Learning to Fly.”

No 1 after No 1, hotel room after hotel room; I started losing weight, but it was basically Geri’s fault I became anorexic. Not that I was anorexic, because anorexia is just so not me.

Scary but true. Many of our stars who are up in lights must cope with the pressures of being transparent…and so they become nearly transparent in body.

America the Beautiful Documentary: Is America Obsessed with Beauty?

A movie that answers the question: Is America obsessed with beauty?

In Chicago? This movie opens next week! Go here for details.

Darryl Roberts - Director of “America the Beautiful” says;

America the Beautiful is my 2 year journey into the world of beauty obsession, pop culture and plastic surgery. Leading up to this sadistic epiphany, you couldn’t turn on the TV without seeing some new television show about someone trying to be a top model or someone getting nipped or tucked. That’s when it hit me - we’re on a quest for physical perfection. That’s our “latest craze.”

I went into production on America the Beautiful in January of 2003 to find out. My journey initially consisted of interviewing some of the most beautiful people that our team could find. One of the things that I noticed was that the so-called beautiful people didn’t feel beautiful themselves. Most of them measure themselves by the same standards that so-called “average” people do. What is the standard of beauty that we sometimes try so hard to achieve and why is it so important? What gains do you really get from being beautiful? Who sets the standard? These questions lead to some of the interesting findings in the upcoming documentary America the Beautiful, that yes, advertisers are selling us a very unrealistic view of beauty and we’re buying it, with every penny that we have.

Read more from the director…

Gerren Taylor, featured in the film, a model, is seen here on Fox news talking about her experience. A size 4 but called “obese” in the industry, this film helped her to accept herself when her industry told her she was not thin enough.

Even Ensler, of the Vagina Monologues, was also featured in the film. She says; “women have to refuse to play” these games media plays with our minds and advises women to “re-perceive” what beauty means in our own minds independent of the media hype.

If you’re in Chicago, lucky you! Write us a review. We wish we could be their eating popcorn next to you!

Mopping Up the Miley Mess and Putting it to Rest: Dr. Robyn Answers Your Questions

Dr. Robyn Answers Parents’ Questions from the last 2 days: Given everything that’s been going on with the Miley Cyrus Debacle this week, parents are wondering if they can ever catch a break. The press is everywhere, everyone’s talking about it, and parents (and grandparents) are wondering if any celebrity can be trusted with our tweens and teens.

As one of the comments said in response to my April 28^th Miley article:

In today’s world, where we’ve seen the over-exposure of the Hiltons, the Spears, the Lohans…we have to hope that someone has the guts and know-how to right the Good Ship Miley before it too becomes something we try to avoid our tweens emulating –Grammie

What’s are the biggest mistakes parents can make regarding these types of incidents?

One of the biggest mistakes parents can make is shoving the problem under the rug and hoping not to talk about it. Many would like the story to simply fade away and blow over so that they don’t have to deal with the embarrassment of having to discuss it. There is no doubt that such discussions are difficult– as one parent commented the other day;

“I sort of resent having to explain these more adult issues before I would like to.” –MaryRobb64

Unfortunately, we live in a world of overexposure. It’s the price of living in a free world. You get A LOT OF THINGS– even the information you don’t want–for free! If you have a TV, the internet, a cell phone, or ears on your head, your child is going to hear about it. It then becomes your decision as a parent to either talk about the issue and help to make good sense of it with your daughter or son or pretend it didn’t happen and let the media or your child’s friends educate your children about the issue. Which one do you think is more reliable?

As Powerful Parents, be present and allow the conversation to ensue.

The other really big mistake parents can make is talking too much and not listening enough. I mentioned yesterday on the blog and on the Dr. Drew radio show that it’s vital to know when to talk and when to be quiet. Ask questions instead of always preaching answers. Be a coach, rather than a sage.

When we ask questions, we find out what our tween or teen is thinking and feeling—and the answers might surprise you. What does she think of Miley Cyrus’ decision to pose topless? What would your daughter have done in the same situation? How does she think Miley should handle it? And has your child ever been in a situation where she felt pressured even thought she knew it was mistake to go through with it? You might be surprised by what your children have to say if you just give them a chance to express themselves.

How do the tweens/teens react when the perception of their role model is compromised?

Tweens and teens can internalize the information in different ways:

(1) Become a copcat: Do as their role model has done. Even if Miley, in this case, is basically saying “do as I say not as I do,” many number one fans of Miley will follow her lead. You’ll hear children saying; “Mom, what’s the big deal? Miley is so cool/hot that whatever she does is awesome! ”

(2) Ban their idol: This is drastic. The tween who does this really feels betrayed. In this case, the role model becomes and “anti-role model” (a symbol of what NOT to do) and the tween really turns on the switch by saying “I never liked her anyway.” Or “I liked her when I was younger” or I liked her before she became like the rest of those Hollywood types—those pictures were gross…”

(3) Refuse to believe it: You might wonder how someone can do that when the pictures are right there—but it’s quite simple—they can just say she was forced, tricked, or pressured—or say that it’s been blown out of proportion and everyone’s just wrong. Children are resilient and they will do whatever they can to make it so they can believe what they want and go about their business.

How can parents express their views about these role models without alienating their kids who idolize them?

I spoke a bit about “communicating without condemning” in yesterday’s article “Cleaning Up the Miley Mess.”

Here’s the deal; when things such as the Miley Cyrus situation happen, parents get angry—and when they get angry, they say things that while a true representation of how they’re feeling, might not be appropriate. Parents must communicate with their children about this situation without condemning their child’s role model.

When a parent condemns the role model in question and the tween is still very attached to that role model, a few things can happen; (1) the child can feel attacked and misunderstood and you run the risk of alienating that child; (2) the next time the child makes a mistake, they will be less likely to want to talk to you about it since they see how you react; (3) you can push your child further towards emulating the role model since she wants so badly to defend her—and your not allowing her to do so in a safe and appropriate way.

You may want to be critical, but in doing so, you may alienate your child. That’s not what you’re aiming to do! We have to remember that in the case of Miley Cyrus, parents shouldn’t put her down, but rather, talk about her behavior and why you thought it was inappropriate. Along those same lines, you can have a frank conversation of media, sensationalism, what’s real, and what’s hyped up– rather than attacking the character of a 15 year old girl.

How can parents lay the foundation for positive values and choices in their families?

You lay the foundation for positive values by spending the time and talking about what’s important to your family today. Talk about values when nothing is going on in the media and talk about values when it seems everything is going on in the media. Children should know what their parents value just as parents should know what their children value.

Talk about how people do or do not show respect, responsibility, tolerance, or gratitude—these are powerful words that carry a lot of weight. Perhaps your spouse helped someone at work and showed a lot of teamwork. Perhaps something happened in the news where a child showed incredible sportsmanship. Perhaps your child actually did the dishes without being asked. Values are in action around you—and we must highlight the positive while they’re happening.

In addition, I encourage parents to ask your families; What kind of family do we want to be? Children love to give their input. Don’t be afraid to have a family meeting and get everyone’s opinions. Or get in the car and do what we call “driving the point home” which is when your teen and you are in the car talking about important subjects while side by side in the car—sometimes it’s easier for teens to talk about touchy subjects when the environment is not so serious.

Is it art?

As we long have known, art is subjective. If this photo was an oil painting from the year 1790, we’d certainly all consider it art. It might even be up in the Louvre. Fifteen year olds back then were often married– and not considered kids anymore. There was certainly no talk of tweens and teens back then. However, today, we have impressionable faces looking up to stars like Miley for inspiration and motivation. Miley, a symbol of youth and fun, is not a sex symbol– so seeing her in this way is jarring. It just doesn’t fit.

Her fans think of her as their best friend, girl next door, and big sister they never had. The girl next door doesn’t do these things. But what added to the shock of the photo was its juxtaposition with the photo of her and her Dad. It made people feel uncomfortable and shifty. The girl is covered in a sheet in one shot and lying around on her Dad’s lap in another. If she were 2 years old, it would have been cute; at fifteen, it seems a bit creepy to many.

So is it art? If it were someone else at a different time or of Miley in about 10 years, people would have appreciated it a lot more. It would have been considered a beautiful shot. But today, with the baggage that comes along with every click of the camera, and with little 8-13 year olds watching with baited breath unready to process it all, it crossed an inappropriate line. People see the skin of a budding starlet, and they see sex unleashed– even if that was not the intention– even if it shouldn’t be that way– even if we yearn for a time when it could have been considered art. Today, in the shadow of the Disney empire and the reflection of miles of tween smiles for Miley, it was a mistake.

But can parents actually make a difference? Competing with media and peers…

You may be surprised, but the answer is yes. In fact, regardless of what’s going on out in the world, you are still the most prominent role model in your child’s life.

• The Kaiser Family Foundation surveyed tweens and teens, ages 10-17 years old, about their role models. Researchers found that while 73% of respondents named sports figures, 56% named TV or movie stars, and 32% claimed that rock and rap stars had the honor, an astonishing 92 percent of kids named their parents.
• An article entitled “Parents or pop culture?: Children’s heroes and role models” in Childhood Education echoed similar findings. Children most frequently named their parents (34%), then entertainers (20%), then friends (20%), professional athletes (14%), and acquaintances (8%).. Most respondents chose a person that they knew rather than one they didn’t, when asked about who they looked to as a role model. When asked why they chose someone they knew rather than one who was famous, one 10-year-old made quite an apropos statement, “I didn’t put down people I don’t know because when nobody’s paying attention, they do something bad.
• A study of more than 1,100 12-18 year olds participated in a survey on behalf of the American Bible Society. Again, the survey concluded that 67.7% believed parents were the most important role models in today’s society.
• For a teen, having a role model, particularly one known to the individual, is associated with higher self-esteem and higher grades. For Caucasian teens without custodial fathers, having a role model was associated with decreased substance use. (Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2002;156:55-61.)

Of course, it’s important to remember that we all make mistakes. This week, it’s Miley Cyrus. Next week, it might be you. The important thing here is how one deals with their mistakes. Do they admit wrong doing and move on? Do they crawl under a rock? Do they point the finger at someone else? Anyway you slice it, there’s a lesson there. And with every lesson, there’s a great conversation to be had with your child.

Good luck!

Why, Oh Why, Oh Miley? 8 Ways to Clean Up the Mess

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

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Dr. Robyn was on Dr. Drew’s national radio show at 3:35 EST/12:35 PST today to discuss the Miley Cyrus situation; click here to listen to the interview.

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Yes, everyone is scrambling to right Miley’s misstep. Vanity Fair issued their YouTube video (above) to show the relaxed atmosphere of the photo shoot (sans the actual Lolita-like photo in question). Annie Leibovitz is defending her photos as “beautiful.” The network is claiming deliberate manipulation of a young girl. And the press is just trying to make sense of it all– the possible desire for a young starlet to shake her tween image and be seen as “more grown up,” the creation of a public frenzy that can add to the Miley millions (ahem, billions?), and which photo is more offensive (the one of Cyrus’s bare bod coyly wrapped in a sheet, or the shot of bare midriff while sprawled across her Daddy’s lap?).

But while the public is cyber-guessing the fate of Miley and her empire, parents and tweens are left in the wake of it all. Moms and Dads don’t care about whether Disney will find a replacement for Miley– they’re busy wondering what to do next. Considering the harmful impact of increased sexualization of girls in the media and the jarring way tween idol was introduced as “not a girl, not yet a woman,” to her fans, it’s not surprising that parents are reeling.

Just looking at the comments from yesterday’s post on the Powerful Parent Blog, you can see anger, dismay, and confusion. Tweens and teens feel betrayed:

Oh my gosh, I completely agree. I was so upset when I saw those pictures. It was like, “Whoa. That’s depressing.” I don’t want to say it, but I think my role model has turned into a…well, you know. I’ll just say…one of THEM. The worst part was that I practically worshiped her. Now I feel stupid, especially since I was her biggest fan in the entire universe. (by: Lifeswhatyoumakeit)

and adults are asking for help:

I’m a mother of a Tween girl and every time the media reports something new about a child icon– I gulp wondering; how do I explain this to my daughter? I sort of resent having to explain these more adult like issues before I would like to. (By MaryRobb64)

Let’s get down to it. So what are parents to do?

1. Chalk it up to a teachable moment: Ignore it, and it won’t go away. Might as well take the bull by the horns. Tweens and teens can learn from the mistakes of their favorite idols if you frame it correctly. Talk about your values, the values of the family, and what you believe the icon did right or wrong. Grasp onto stories of teens, athletes, or celebrities that made mistakes and then changed their life for the better. For example, America’s sweetheart Drew Barrymore once made headlines for drugs, alcohol, and partying but has since become a stable adult. This is a good lesson for teens to hear. In the same way, when athletes make mistakes and admit them publicly, it’s another moment for a great conversation.
2. Ask questions: Stop talking. Take a breath. Don’t jump to conclusions. You don’t even know what your child is thinking yet! What does she think of Miley Cyrus’ decision to pose topless? What would she have done in the same situation? What does she think Miley should do next? You might be surprised by what your children have to say if you just give them a chance to express themselves.
3. Communicate without condemning: You may want to be critical, but in doing so, you may alienate your child. That’s not what you’re aiming to do! Have a conversation about the icon in question. Remember, it’s not the individual you have a problem with, it’s their behavior, right? In the case of Miley Cyrus, don’t put her down, rather, talk about the message that her partially nude photograph is sending to her fans.
4. Find the positive: I know it can be difficult at times– especially with celebrities you find so detestable. While you may not like everything about a celebrity—perhaps there’s something you can find that send a good message. The singer, Pink, may be rough around the edges, but she tells girls that it’s important to be themselves even when everyone is telling them to blend.
5. Provide counter-media role models: All role models don’t need to come from between the pages of a magazine or on TV. Role models can be found everywhere. Teachers, big sisters or brothers, local heroes, soldiers, local artists, and even heroes and heroines in books can provide more stable, consistent role model standards. When you expose your children to a variety of role models, they won’t have to defer to celebrities and celebutants for inspiration.
6. Take a look through their eyes: You might be wondering what makes your daughter or son choose a certain role model when their icon has made a few blunders. Take a walk in their shoes. Ask them about their hero—what is it about them that really floats their boat? When you look at Kelly Osborne, daughter of the famous-for-being-dysfunctional Osborne family, you may see a foul-mouthed girl dressed in black. Your daughter, on the other hand, might see a girl who speaks her mind and doesn’t conform to the typical size 2 celebrity body requirement that’s so prevalent in today’s world. A celebrity might make a kid feel more OK with themselves.
7. Be the role model they deserve: Be a positive example to your child. They’re watching you to see what they should do next. When it comes to being a role model, you must be aware that the choices you make don’t only impact you but also the children who regard you as their superhero. Do you show confidence in yourself and what you look like? Are you respectful? Self-disciplined? Someday, they will be in the same predicament and think to themselves, “What did s/he do when s/he was in the same situation?” When you are a role model it’s not enough to tell your charges the best choices to make. You must put them into action yourself.
8. Talk about powerful words and powerful actions: What kind of family do you aspire to be? Have a family meeting and get everyone’s input. While the outside world may be erratic and unpredictable, together, you can create safe boundaries and limits so that your children can stay on the path to reach their goals. Use the character lessons your children are learning in their classes each month as springboards for discussion at your own dinner table or “drive the point home” after you leave your Powerful Words member academy.

And, as my mother always told me, “this too shall pass.” Tweens and teens are resilient– and you are too. And while your child is dealing with the blow to her icon, you can give her a safe place to land. She needs it and we’re depending on it.

Come back tomorrow when we explore another part of the Miley Mess and answer the question: Can parents really make a difference? See you then.

Dr. Robyn Silverman is a nationally known child and teen development expert and parenting coach. She’s an award-winning parenting columnist for Bay State Parent Magazine, the body image expert for The Applied Developmental Science Encyclopedia and Shaping Youth and the creator of the Powerful Words Character Development Curriculum used by over 500 top-notch after-school programs worldwide.

Miley Cyrus: Disney Role Model Ruined?

When 15 year old, Miley Cyrus showed up topless and coyly wrapped in what appears to be a satin bedsheet in the June issue of Vanity Fair, controversy broke out and opinions multiplied. It wasn’t so much about what was showing or whether or not the Annie Leibovitz photo could be considered art. But rather, it was the mature spirit of the photograph juxtaposed with the immature fan-base the tween icon who worships her every move. Disney, the parent company of the billion dollar Hannah Montana franchise aimed at tweens is reeling, Miley voiced embarrassment and apologies, and her spokesperson claimed manipulation. But the ones who are extremely concerned are the parents of young girls who look up to Miley as a role model.

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Click here to listen to Dr. Robyn on the Dr Drew radio show talk about this issue

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Given that young girls like to dress up and act like their favorite stars, parents should be on alert. Developmentally speaking, tweens experiment. They’re trying on different identities and figuring out which ones feel right. In working out who they are, they copy those who they admire. So when teen singer, Avril Lavigne, wore a sleeveless T-shirt with a tie, girls showed up to school the next day having raided their Dad’s closet. Given Miley’s recent misjudgment (or perhaps the misstep of her parents, publicist, photographer, or host magazine?), no parent should be surprised if today’s tweens drop their favorite outfits and show up to playtime loosely wrapped in their Beauty and the Beast bedsheets as their best friend takes their best shot.

Where did all the role models go?

What makes up a tween/teen role model has changed dramatically over the last several decades. Kids used to look to public figures like Dr. Martin Luther King, President John F. Kennedy, or the squeaky clean Brady Bunch and Partridge Family for their inspiration. Then media took over. Everyone starlet seems to be growing up too soon, tying one on, or taking something off. Parents are contending with the likes of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Eminem. The latter, who even quips in his lyrics;

I came to the club drunk with a fake ID
Don’t you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I’ve been with 10 women who got HIV
Now don’t you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I got genital warts and it burns when I pee
Don’t you wanna grow up to be just like me!

Teens and tweens are saturated with a large does of media garbage. The average American child spends 4-4 ½ hours a day exposed to TV, radio, video games, or the Internet. That means they’re spending the equivalent of a good part time job with questionable mentors.

Why it’s hard to trust:

We loved Lindsay Lohan as a freckle-faced charmer in Parent Trap. Britney Speaks was adorable in the Mickey Mouse Club. Barry Bonds had every boy’s heart in his hand as he got ready to break Hank Aaron’s all-time home run record. What happened to our kids’ role models? Either drugs, alcohol, DUIs, sex tapes, rehab, jail-time, psych wards, negative peer pressure, exposed body parts or a combination of a bunch of the above.

Parents and tweens are always selecting role models that seem wholesome, pure, and promising. We are seeking out people who exemplify the values we believe are important; respect, self-discipline, gratitude, and other powerful words by which we try to live. But the public is getting burned. It wouldn’t be surprising if parents are becoming suspicious and jaded. I think one parent said it best after a Hillary Duff concert;

“We thought she seemed really nice,” said Debbie Wright of Lexington. Wright had brought her two daughters, ages 9 and 13, to the show and waited for them on a couch in the parents lounge. She added, “Of course, we thought that of Britney Spears.”

When it comes to racy role model, Danica Patrick and her controversial decisions to expose (or overexpose?) herself or Kim Kardashian decides to pose for playboy, we know that, whether we think it’s a good decision or a bad one, and adult made the decision. It may make parents angry, but somehow, it’s different. These adults are allowed to do dumb things.

But tween role models aren’t allowed the same amount of space for slip-ups. Parents and tweens are watching their every move. They’re under 24/7 surveillance. They’re overexposed through TV, magazines, internet, texting, and every other media outlet that tells all. Miley’s Vanity Fair photos might only reveal her back, but parents see a Little Lolita. It may not be warranted. It may not even be fair. But they begin to wonder if it’s only the beginning of a series of bad judgments from the Hannah Montana star. After all, this is what they’ve gotten used to with the celebs who’ve come before her.

We know tweens and teens grow up. Celebrities grow up. But when our kids are copying their favorite star, parents are looking for consistency. Reliability. One hundred percent wholesome character. Anything else and the balance gets knocked around. The children have a few choices with regard to how to internalize the information:

(1) Go with the flow: Copy what their favorite role model is doing for good or bad. “What’s the big deal, Mom? Miley’s doing it…it must be cool, awesome, special, hot, daring…”

(2) Go against the flow: A harder endeavor. Make their role model the anti-role model and say “ta-ta” to their idol who deceived or disappointed them. “I never liked her anyway. Who does that? It’s so stupid, gross, dumb, raunchy…”

(3) Go into denial: Say it didn’t happen or it didn’t happen that way and keep on going in the same direction they always went, not changing a thing. “She was forced, tricked, pressured…she’d never do that if she knew what was really going on. Adults can be so disgusting. “The best of both worlds…oooohh, ooooohhh!”

So what’s doing to happen with girl-next door, wonder-girl, Smiley Miley? We have to wait and see how she handles it. Nobody’s perfect. Sometimes it’s not the mistake but how the celebrity deals with that mistake that provides the greatest lesson to teens and tweens.

You can help too–Stay tuned tomorrow for 8 tips to help parents cope with controversial role models!

Banned: Illegal to promote ultra thinness in France

Places around the world (not the U.S.) are finding ways to discourage ultra-thinness and eating disorders in a powerful way.

France:

The Christian Science Monitor reported the other day that you will now we fined (or jailed) if your website or blog promotes ultra thinness or excessive dieting. The promotion of excessive thinness or eating disorders is now a punishable crime with fines up to $78,000.

France is fed up with the growing numbers of sites that glorify destructive eating behaviors; particularly those sites that offer contests, support, and tricks that lead to the success of starving oneself.

Coming on the heels of related initiatives in Spain and Italy, the ban is the latest and most far-reaching attempt to stem a disorder – and an image of womanhood – with which hundreds of thousands of Europeans wrestle. But how effective will the measures – and some are quite creative – be?

France’s bill, which must now be approved by the Senate, won unanimous support from Nicolas Sarkozy’s ruling UMP party, empowers judges to punish with prison terms and fines of up to €45,000 ($72,000) any publication, modeling agency, or fashion designer who “incites” anorexia. It also allows for the prosecution of websites whose pages and blogs promote eating disorders.

Spain

France’s fines follow the ban that Spain put in place in 2006 that banished ultra-thin models from walking down the catwalk.

In Spain, where some experts say that eating disorders affect 1 in 200 young women, the country’s major fashion show provoked controversy two years ago when it tried to address the issue. Banning from the catwalk models with an unhealthily low body mass index (or BMI – a weight to height ratio) of below 18, the vice-councilwoman for the Economy in Madrid’s regional government, Concha Guerra, said, “Our intention is to promote good body image by using models whose bodies match reality and reflect healthy eating habits.”

In addition, the Spanish government has successfully persuaded 90% of Spain’s clothing manufacturers to standardize female clothing sizes. This action was based on a study of the size and shape of 8,000 Spanish females between the ages of 10 and 70. Spain also wants to discourage the use of display mannequins that are smaller than a Size 38 (U.S. Size 6).

Note: According to The World Health Organization, anyone with a BMI below 18.5 is underweight. In addition, a BMI below 17.5 is one of the criteria for the diagnosis of anorexia nervosa. A BMI nearing 15 is usually used as an indicator for starvation. (Here’s more information from the National Institutes of Health along with a BMI calculator for your reference)

Netherlands

Unilever, parent company to Dove and Axe, agreed to ensure that their models adhered to a BMI of between 18-25, which is, medically speaking, in the “normal” range.

“Unilever has adopted a new global guideline that will require that all its future marketing communications should not use models or actors that are either excessively slim or promote ‘unhealthy’ slimness,” –Ralph Kugler, president of Unilever’s home and personal care division

Italy

The Health and Sports Ministries in Italy launched a campaign last month that provides media guidelines that are meant to discourage ultra-thin body ideals. Milan, following the path of Spain, is requiring it’s fashion runway models to have a BMI of at least 18.5 They are also providing eating disorder education in schools.

That campaign came just months after one of the country’s clothing labels began its own anti-anorexia campaign with billboards depicting the nude, emaciated body of anorexic French model Isabelle Caro. –CSM

The UK

While the organizers of London’s Fashion Week did not follow Spain and enact a ban of any models who had a freakishly low BMI, they did require all fashion models to demonstrate that they were in good health by bringing in a signed certificate from an eating disorders specialist that stated it was so.

Austrailia

The government recently launched a media code of conduct on body image. Minister of Youth Affairs, James Merlino, explains that the code of conduct contains 4 clauses that he encouraged the media, fashion world, and advertisers, to adopts.

The Code contains four clauses regarding:
· The use and disclosure of altered and enhanced images;
· Representation of a diversity of body shapes;
· Fair placement of diet, exercise and cosmetic surgery advertising; and
· Avoiding the glamorization of severely underweight models or celebrities.

As Leslie Goldsmith mentioned over on The Huffington Post, it’s been quite a “tumultuous week for body image” in Australia. In addition, it’s been proposed that as of mid-2008, plastic surgery (and tanning beds) are off-limits to teens under 18 years of age. Unfortunately, at the same time, the news highlighted “Club 21,” a clique that ranks girls based on weight. Nope, not kidding.

Members of the elite club, dubbed “Club 21″ or “Big 21″, parade their ranking from one to 21 on their wrists. The skinnier and prettier the girl, the higher her rank. One respondent to an internet forum on the issue said: “Ugly girls need not apply.”

I guess we need to take the good with the bad in Australia. At least the government is taking some action.

America

Still waiting…

Currently, our defense against ultra-thin models has to do with plumping out disturbing waifiness with photo-shop instead of hiring more “real-size” models, as well described on feministing and shapely prose.

Due to first amendment rights, people are skeptical that such a ban issued in France could be successfully issued in the U.S. According to Sudan Scafidi, an expert in fashion law at New York’s Fordham University Law School;

We do ban advertising of smoking in the U.S. and we take smoking into consideration for movie ratings. But we know there is a clear link between smoking and lung cancer. No one has yet established a connection between images in magazines and skinny girls.”

I guess that means it’s back to work for all of us…

photo from http://thisislavie.wordpress.com