More Beautiful You and Other Positive Body Image Songs

Positive Body Image Songs

Dr. Robyn Silverman

During a time when it seems that no girl can look in the mirror without criticizing what is reflected back at her, it’s refreshing to hear a song that isn’t about sex, tight jeans, boobs and long legs.  Girls and women latch on to what they hear.  We need to hear more positive messages, don’t we?

Thanks to Dara Chadwick for bringing this song to my attention.

More Beautiful You Lyrics (By Jonny Diaz)

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn’t straight her body isn’t fake
And she’s always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don’t buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you’ve already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you’ve got a man but he’s got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there’s a man whose love is true
And he’ll treat you like the jewel you are

So turn around you’re not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It’s not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who’s strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you’ll see through the eyes of a little girl

Other Positive Body Image Songs to Inspire Us to Love Ourselves and What We See in the Mirror

Put Your Records On (Corinne Bailey Rae)

Beautiful (Christina Aguilera)

Listen (Beyonce)

Unpretty (TLC)

Ugly (Sugababies)

Video (India Arie)

Any others you can think of?

Dr. Robyn on the Radio talking about Body Image

Dr. Robyn Silverman, Dr. Pauline Wallin & host Craig Cohen on SmartTalk radio this AM talking about body image. Listen now!

This morning, I had the pleasure of being on WITF SmartTalk radio, a division of NPR, talking about body image. We discussed everything from the media’s influence, the parental influence, peer influence, and plastic surgery.

Some of the topics:

(1)   How early can issues of body image be seen in children? Studies over the last 40 years tell us that children as young as 3 or 4 (and certainly by kindergarten) already perceive the societal pressures to be thin.  Whether the children themselves are thin or what the medical world would call “overweight” when shown pictures of all different children they label the largest one as the child they wouldn’t want to look like at all, the one who has the fewest friends, the one who they’d least likely want to be friends with, the one who is the meanest—and I’ve had plenty of parents who’ve come to me and said that their 4 year old asked them if they were too fat, their 5 year old wants to know if they need to go on a diet, and other weight-oriented comments that would cause any parent alarm.

(2) How pervasive is this problem of negative body image? Let me first say that the issue is so pervasive that it is no longer a “clinical” issue—we have created a culture of girls who are obsessed with weight such that it is more normal to be on a diet than not—to feel bad about your body than not—to think about your weight than to not– There are many good studies on this topic and the statistics can be startling—

1. Some studies tell us that up to 80% of girls are dissatisfied with their bodies and have a fear of being fat
2. And over half are dieting at any given time
3. Almost 2/3 of girls use “unhealthy weight control behaviors” (whether it’s laxatives or purging or diet pills or powders)  to lose weight
4. Anywhere from half to ¾ of girls say they weigh too much whether the medical world would say they do or not
5. The main thing to notice here is that feeling fat and going on a diet is becoming the norm—and dieting is more prevalent than not-dieting.

What are the body image issues for boys? Boys are dealing with something that is now informally being called “The Adonis Complex”—named after the Greek mythology figure Adonis who was half man and half god—he was considered the ultimate in masculine good looks and ideal physique for men. And, if you are familiar with Greek mythology, Adonis had a body that was so perfectly beautiful that Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty, fell in love with the site of him. Boys are hearing messages about how they are supposed to look too– and they internalize these messages and are prone towards negative eating practices, steroids, and other alternative methods to thin out and buff up.

I want to add this fascinating and “sick” new development. “Now even Vogue thinks you can be too thin”

And how about this for insane? Bony models are digitally retouched to look fuller.

Listen to the broadcast to find out more!

Clean the Plate Club: The Weight of Mom and God?

Disband the Clean the Plate Club?

Dr. Robyn Silverman

Thank you to all of you who have already submitted stories to my body image story website in preparation for my forthcoming book!  It is very telling– so many stories have similar themes.  This one, which came in recently, hits on a point I want to talk about today: The Clean the Plate Club.

Colleen’s Story: My Mom is a card carrying member of the clean the plate club. I guess that makes me one too. I have always felt like I needed to sneak food since the girls in the house weren’t supposed to really eat “real food.”.  My Mom would always say,  ‘no don’t eat the meatballs, eat the salad.’  I would think to myself, “but I want the meatballs.” I know now that forcing me to eat the salad only meant that I would eat the salad in front of her and then go back and eat the meatballs when she wasn’t looking.  So I wound up eating double.  Denying me the food would only make me want it more.  Then I would be out with my friends and I would think “Ha! Nobody’s watching so I can eat whatever I want.”   “You did not leave the table without cleaning your plate.  It was a sin to waste food–as opposed to eat until you are full.  It says it in the bible that you can’t waste.  My mother would always quote it so it was ingrained in me at a very early age. “It still sticks with me.  I say it all the time when I am out with friends.  I tell them, ‘I am so full, I couldn’t eat another bite.  And they tell me just to take it home.  But I say, “no, no, no, I have to eat everything.  That was what I was told growing up.’ That is why I continue eating but feeling bad about it.  I was told you have to finish everything but told not to gain weight at the same time. ”

What are studies telling us?

(1) Little girls as young as 3 years old are being warned by their parents to watch how much they are eating so that they do not gain unwanted pounds.  At the same time, little boys at the same age and size are being encouraged to “eat up” so that they become strong and solid big boys (International Journal of Eating Disorders. 2005). Girls are clearly being given different messages than are boys when it comes to food.

(2) Parents who try to control their children’;s food intake by insisting that their children clean their plate are the more likely to find that their kids, especially the boys,  request larger portions of sweetened cereal at daycare (Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, 2008).  In fact, in a recent study, preschool aged members ate 35% more fruit loops than those who were not members of the clean the plate clubwhen given an unlimited portion. This interferes with children’s own ability to listen to their bodies and determine when they are full. They begin to be at war with food which can affect their relationship with food and their bodies.

In addition. studies clearly show that families of adolescents with disordered or problem eating tend to overemphasize food, fat, dieting, and weight.  An overemphasis of food and food control is associated with a higher incidence of girls eating when they are not hungry.  Daughters whose families control food and emphasize diet are more likely to have mothers who are more critical of their daughter’s weight and figure.  Not surprisingly, such a family climate is associated with a girl’s greater concern about weight.

Interestingly, when I bring up these issues with some of the girls and women who have been guilted into cleaning their plates, they bring up issues of God and respect for their elders. In fact, when I followed up with Colleen and I asked her if she thought she could change her behavior so she could reclaim ownership of her body she wrote; “Well, how could I go against God’s word?  And every daughter knows saying “no” to their Moms is harder than you think.”

I think it is safe to say that “clean your plate” is no longer good advice.  No offense to Mom or God.  It may have been a good preservation technique during the depression or at times of famine or scarcity, but that does not apply to the lives of these girls.  Studies show that once the power struggle is taken out of meal times, children will self correct their under eating, overeating, and general weight problems.   It seems difficult, however, for parents to refrain from pushing “one last bite,” “clean your plate”  or “you shouldn’t eat so much of that.” Every child is equipped with a hunger gauge with controls how much they should eat.  If parents continually override those signals, the child will have trouble tuning in to that hunger gauge and relying on something internal, rather than external, to tell her how much to eat.

What are your thoughts? Does the clean the plate club influence how we feel about food or our bodies? Weigh in.

Dr. Robyn to Be On SmartTalk Radio Show: June 15th

Dr. Robyn Silverman on WITF’s SmartTalk

Hi everyone!

Join me via the web or on the radio in Harrisburg, PA, for an hour long discussion on body image on June 15th at 9am EST.  We’ll be mainly focusing on girls but will touch on the challenges for boys as well.  “Smart Talk” is on the station WITF, an affiliate of NPR, and can be heard through the web if you’re not in the Harrisburg area.

Host Craig Cohen will lead the discussion on Body Image. From the shows and ads on TV, to the models in newspapers and magazines, to storefront windows, to…well…anywhere you look – images bombard us that tell us what we’re supposed to look like. And many of those images are not only utterly unrealistic, they can do great harm – to adolescents especially – who grow concerned about their body image. Vanity also has led to a booming cosmetic surgery industry. But where’s the line between reasonable, appropriate efforts to look one’s best, and unreasonable, unrealistic efforts to reach some sort of ideal? And what does it say about us that we feel so compelled to always look “better?”

If you’d like to hear the full show at a later date/time, audio will be archived that afternoon at witf.org. Click on the SmartTalk icon and look for Monday’s blog entry on Body Image.

Would love to hear from you!

Adverse Advertising Exploiting Girls’ Body Concerns

Have you seen this?  In the Netherlands, Fitness First,  a large privately owned health club group, decided to make an interactive advertisement as a push to get more people in the gym.  What do you think? Barbaric and body bashing or necessary to make people more aware of their weight (as if they already aren’t???).

As you “weight” for the bus, you find you are actually sitting on a public scale that displays your weight for all to see.

Would this make you want to join the gym?  Think we need one of these on every street corner in America? Horrified? Humored? Weigh in.

What is the “new normal” for body image and girls?

Reflecting on the New Normal: Today’s ultra thin standards for the ideal body

Dr. Robyn Silverman

Ahh, it’s been quite a year, hasn’t it? New actresses- new entertainers– more ultra thin body ideals saluted.

We all know standards of beauty change. Model and actress Marilyn Monroe, who reigned supreme in the fifties as the symbol of a beautiful woman, was undeniably curvaceous. We look at her now and think: well, she could pull off the extra weight because she had such a pretty face…or hair.  But who’d have guessed  that Marilyn Monroe, along with the fashion models of her time, weighed  eight percent less than the average woman.

Today, most fashion models weigh about 23 percent less than the average woman and represent only five percent of women who can actually attain such a figure. Supermodels are often so they thin they meet the Body Mass Index physical criteria for anorexia.  Tabloids and blogs feed the misconceptions. Gisele Bundchen was once named Vogue’s model of the year, in part, the magazine stated, because she is not rail-thin. Really? Gisele at the time was 5’11” and weighed only 115 pounds —25 percent below what is considered an ideal body weight.

Earlier this year the world seemed to stop when Jessica Simpson put on a few extra pounds. Magazines shamed the singer/actress for deviating from the thin ideal. Simpson, at 5’3,” weighed in at 130-135 pounds, which would actually put her right in the middle of a medically healthy weight range.  Most of the stars on hit shows viewed by teens look like they haven’t eaten a hamburger or even the side of pickles since the third grade. When the remake of Beverly Hills 90210 came out in the Fall of 2008, US Weekly reported that the only sizes available in the show’s wardrobe range from 00 to 2.   One of the actresses, Jessica Stroup, weighed a whopping 100-105 pounds at 5’8” tall.  A young woman who is 5’8” tall and 100 pounds has a BMI of 15.3, categorized as “severely underweight” and certainly raises red flags when it comes to possible eating disorders. Yet these are the women that star in one of the most-watched shows aimed at adolescent girls.]

We’ve seen impossibly thin television actresses and entertainers before [(think Calista Flockhart, Victoria Beckham, Mary Kate Olson or Lara Flynn Boyle), but the trend has gained ground. A  study done  by three scientists at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and the University of Michigan found that the effects of media exposure were stronger in the 2000s than in the 1990s, suggesting that the thin-ideal has become both thinner, more prevalent, and more widely accepted as the standard. The study also found that there is a direct relationship between the media’s endorsement of a thin-ideal and increased levels of body dissatisfaction among adolescent girls.

Think these actresses have no pull?  Just look at what’s on the blogosphere.  Girls are so excited about them– and for many, the thinner the better.  They serve as thinspiration. For example:

“If you want to be thin, you have to have control. I  LOVE Jessica Stroup! She is my new thinspiration! Can’t wait to be that skinny… Started at 155 last week…down to 146 now….my ultimate is 95…. Haven’t hit a wall yet, hope i can just stay strong. Lets do this! xx”

There are a lot more just like these. Good grief. I think the new normal is making me sick.

Bashing our Bodies…Just part of being a girl?

Dr. Robyn Silverman

I’ve been talking to a bunch of girls lately about how girls talk badly about their bodies…all…the…time.  Why?

Here are some of the answers I’ve received:

“They think you’re all high and mighty if you don’t”

“Nobody’s happy with their body because we don’t look like the celebrities.”

“It’s just what girls do.”

“My friends and me talk about it all the time.  If we didn’t, I don’t what we’d talk about!

What do you think? Is talking smack about our bodies something we do to get positive feedback from others? Do we do it to connect with other girls or women? Does everyone just hate their physiques?

Tell the truth. Do we need to criticize ourselves just because we’re…girls?

Kim Kardashian Body Image Message: Hypocritical or Genuine?

Kim Kardashian, curvaceous reality star, is featured in Life and Style Magazine this month.  She’s talking about her body (not surprising– everyone else does!) and what she really thinks of her curves.  It’s amazing how controversial these reality stars and celebs can be– even if they seem to be doing something good for women. On the one hand, she’s got some great quotes that relay a “say what you want” attitude and an “I love my body the way it is” message.  Yes, of course we like that! or example, she says;

“I love my body the way it is,” the 28-year-old tells Life & Style magazine. “I’m not perfect. I have cellulite, so what.”

And “If there’s a picture that’s not perfect, where I have cellulite, then people say I’m big. I’m built a certain way, and you just can’t change the way you’re built,” the reality star says of her body. “In Hollywood, people are used to stick-skinny women, and that’s never going to be me.” Again, good stuff.

What’s more, the magazine says that the pictures of Kim Kardashian in her swimsuit have not been retouched and are therefore au natural…for all to see. Again, good.  Reality for the reality star.

On the other hand– and here’s the possible hypocritical part– you tell me… Kim happens to be promoting her new fitness DVD series called…get this… ‘Fit in Your Jeans by Friday.’  If she’s so “OK” with her body and wants others to be as well, why not just get jeans that fit instead of the other way around? Anyone?

Weigh In: Is this Woman too Thin to be Miss Universe?

Dr. Robyn Silverman

What are we saying to our young people, when one of the selected finalists for Miss Universe is so underweight, she looks like she needs a hamburger more than a crown? What are we teaching our girls about what is beautiful, celebrated, and rewarded? What does the media tell them, show them, and cram down their throats?

Who? Stephanie Naumoska, a 19-year-old Australian model, was selected from more than 7,000 hopefuls to make it into the finals of the Miss Universe pageant.

What now? The finalist is now being criticized and showered with concern from the public who is not quite won over by the body image she represents. Dietitians and doctors are concerned for her welfare and are frustrated that someone who looks like “skin and bones” is given such accolades as a slot in the Miss Universe contest.

Something really to be worried about? You tell me.  She’s 5′11″ and 108 pounds.  Yes, you heard me right. That’s a Body Mass Index (BMI) of 15.1 which puts her firmly in the anorexic slot of the BMI chart.

Weigh in: Is this just one more body type we need represented or do we want this gaunt body type presented to our youth, as a symbol of world beauty, on the stage at all?  Has this whole weight thing gotten out of hand or are we just getting started? You tell me.

Do Latinas and African American Girls Have Better Body Image?

Do Latinas and African American Girls Have Better Body Image?

Dr. Robyn Silverman

A new localized study caught my eye this morning because it talked about a discrepancy in the way Latinas viewed their bodies in comparison to the way that mainstream American women view their bodies. In particular, the researchers suggested that the Latinas they followed wanted to lose weight due to health reasons rather than for looks. So do Latinas have a more positive body image? What about African American girls and women?

While it’s been suggested for quite some time that Latinas and African American women have a more positive body image than their Caucasian counterparts, the sample size of this study was quite small (35 Mexican American immigrants) so more research to add more confidence to the researchers conclusion are necessary. The fact that these women were born and raised in another country certainly makes it much more likely that they would have a better body image than girls and women in American who are constantly exposed to media that makes them feel inferior and “less than.”

Studies don’t always agree on the topic. Of course, while middle to upper class European-American families tend to be the focus of most empirical research on body image, all social classes and ethnic groups are becoming increasingly affected as shown in the research produced in the last 20 years.

What if the Latinas were born in the United States? Body image plummets. The American Association of University Women found that Latinas between the ages of nine and fifteen actually maintained a negative body image and those who were “happy” with themselves dropped by 38% as they increased in age. More recent studies explain that Latinas born in the United States, and thus exposed to American culture, are more likely to prefer a smaller size and express the same concerns about their body shape and weight as European-American females. These girls believe that they are too fat and should strive for a thinner body. In fact, Latinas were recently reported to have the lowest levels of body satisfaction than any other girls in the United States (Robinson). Even the youngest children are compromised.

While there have been hints of body image problems among Asian-American and African-American adolescent girls, lack of ethnically diverse research has caused such concerns to remain overlooked. In the recent past, studies have shown that the leanest 25% of Asian-American girls were significantly more dissatisfied with their bodies than European-American girls. In addition, although it has been shown in earlier studies that African-American girls are most secure with their bodies as a result of the cultural tolerance among African Americans for larger women, and lower incidence of weight-related discrimination than their European-American counterparts, African-American girls are not immune to American weight issues. It has been recently noted that there are no racial differences between black and white girls in their efforts to lose weight or to practice chronic dieting (i.e. Schreiber)

Not surprisingly, concerns have been voiced about young African-American girls’ recent exposure to very thin African American media models and actors and their possible negative influences on body perceptions and attitudes. Interestingly, in the last five years there have been a significant amount of weight loss concerns among prominent African American celebrities such as talk-show host, Oprah Winfrey, and others, found that Black female stars in the film, music and fashion industry are now just as thin as their European-American counterparts. Girls just don’t feel that they are “enough.”

Such unachievable ideals have been on the rise in European-American culture as illustrated by the models featured in many well-read magazines, on the internet, and on television during the last several decades and this trend has been blamed for America’s weight obsession. However, thinner, more diverse media personalities are fairly new to the African American population and culture and are likely raising weight awareness in more diverse communities.

We’ll talk more about this in my upcoming book which will be out in 2010. Would you like to conttribute a story to it? Please do!